How Women Leaders Learned to Trust Their Own Judgment
By: Christina Salerno, Chief Dreamer of Dreamers & Doers, a curated community and PR Hype Machine® for extraordinary women entrepreneurs
Women in leadership rarely lack input. Coaches and consultants, mentors and managers, and an endless stream of advice and feedback. But for many successful women in the Dreamers & Doers community, confidence grew when they turned the volume down on everything else.
The leaders we spoke with kept describing the same internal shift: as soon as they stopped listening to the judgment of other people, they could start more deeply believing in themselves. Here, they describe how they learned to let go of approval, quit over-explaining, and trust the decisions they already knew were right.
Letting Go of Approval
For many of these women, the first step was simply noticing how much weight other people’s opinions carry.
“As a woman, and a woman of color in particular, I had internalized the belief that other people’s opinions were more valid than my own,” says Amber Banks, founder and CEO of the Center for Trust and Transformation. She made a deliberate practice of noticing when she was seeking outside validation for a decision she already knew was right, and choosing to trust herself first. That practice took time to build, she says, and it became critical to her work helping others navigate trust.
Alejandra Graf, founder of the food media platform Piloncillo y Vainilla, felt like she was constantly trying to explain herself as a Mexican living in the U.S., and it wasn’t getting her anywhere. So she stopped.
“The moment I stopped explaining and just showed up as myself, everything shifted,” Graf says. “Real confidence came from dropping the need to be understood on someone else’s terms and trusting that being fully me was more than enough.”
“I wish I’d understood that confidence isn’t certainty or universal approval; it’s self-trust,” agrees Olivia Mead, founder and CEO of Yoga For First Responders®. “I practiced speaking from my own expertise without over-explaining, which allowed me to stop managing perception and fully occupy my space as a leader.”
“Real leadership is not about keeping everyone happy; it is about setting clear priorities, making thoughtful choices, and being honest about what we can and cannot commit to,” agrees Allison Wyatt, founder and CEO of Edgility Talent Partners. Shifting from trying to meet every expectation to leading with clarity about what she is building and the impact she wants to make made all the difference for her.
Hearing Their Own Voice Again
Advice is easy to find, but the trouble starts when there’s so much of it that a leader can no longer hear her own instincts.
Emily Dick, a brand strategist at Unbuttoned Brands, started by making time actually to listen to herself. That meant turning down the “right way to do it” advice from others and lifting off the social conditioning she had taken on.
“It felt risky at first to build my business and my brand my way instead of the way I’d been taught, but leaning into my own strengths made me magnetic,” Dick says, adding that she found her confidence was already there under all the noise.
Catalina Parker agrees that she had to learn to stop looking outside of herself for answers as she built her consulting business Relatable Nonprofit.
“I had invested in coaches, consultants, books, and podcasts, and at some point I realized I was taking in so much advice that I could barely hear my own instincts,” Parker says. “The shift was learning to use outside support as input, while trusting myself to decide what was actually right for me and my business.”
As a matchmaker and the founder of SYS, Julie Nguyen spends much of her time helping people trust what they already know about love. Offering herself that same trust changed the way she leads. She stopped people-pleasing and got comfortable saying no when something wasn’t aligned.
“I used to think confidence came from being certain or being liked,” Nguyen says. “I’ve learned that it comes from trusting yourself enough to make the choice that feels true, even when someone else may not understand it.”
Enoma Osakue, CEO of Stackrie, learned early not to assume a title meant someone had something to teach her, after being targeted by a boss she was outperforming. “That moved me into operating with greater confidence in my work and convictions, rather than receiving all feedback neutrally, and I’ve led that way ever since,” she says.
For Peri Finkelstein, founder and CEO of Team Peri Foundation, the decision to tap more deeply into her voice was literal. She started writing her memoir two years ago, but worry about judgment kept her from sharing her words. Realizing she was writing the story for herself gave her the confidence to launch a Substack and finally release her book, The Velvet Bow (And Other Dark Sh*t).
“This experience taught me that my story matters, my words matter, and I don’t need anyone else’s permission to share them,” Finkelstein says.
Deciding Without Perfect Certainty
Waiting for perfect information can pass for caution. Often, it’s self-doubt by another name.
Domonique Worship, CEO and founder of The Institute of Exceptional Alignment, spent years putting enormous pressure on herself to show up flawlessly and prove she belonged in the room. Loosening her hold on perfectionism taught her to trust her own judgment and move more decisively.
“Every time I made a thoughtful decision without waiting for perfect certainty, I gave myself more evidence that I could handle whatever came next,” Worship says.
That is often rooted in the belief that a confident founder always knows the “right” decision. Natalie De Vincenzi let that go, now trusting herself to make the best decision she can with the information she has.
“I wish I’d understood earlier that confidence doesn’t come from eliminating uncertainty; it comes from finding and building evidence that you can trust yourself to navigate it,” adds the founder of the mental health apparel brand You Are Enough Co.
When Natasha “Tash” Durkins’ sales coach gave her some unconventional advice, to stop forcing her sales, she wasn’t totally convinced but decided to listen to her gut. “I checked in with myself, asked if I actually believed she was right, and the answer was yes, so I pushed myself to let go,” she says, and within days, two major contracts she never saw coming rolled in for her coaching and advisory company, Fiercely Joyful,
“The proof showed up after I followed my gut, not before,” she adds. “Stop confusing confidence with certainty.”
For Lona Vincent, founder of WOW Health (World of Women’s Health), success came from giving herself permission to stop overthinking and just start building. “I stopped waiting for the right moment and started doing the work,” she says. “I wish I had understood earlier that building the thing teaches you more than thinking about it ever will.”
Proudly Owning What Makes Them Different
Self-trust can also mean no longer apologizing for the parts of a career that don’t fit neatly in one box.
For years, Allison McMillan downplayed either her engineering leadership or her facilitation background, depending on the room. When she built Tavlin Consulting, she stopped choosing and deliberately set up shop between technical and non-technical teams.
“Owning that combination means I now show up as a peer with CTOs and a translator with everyone else, without needing to prove I belong in either room,” McMillan says. “The things that make you hard to categorize are often exactly what makes you valuable.”
Lisa Friscia, CEO and founder of Franca Consulting, stopped trying to be all things to all people and got much clearer on her own strengths. That clarity made her more intentional about the tables she sits at, the work she takes on, and when she isn’t the right person for the job.
“Confidence isn’t believing you can do everything,” Friscia says. “It’s knowing what you do exceptionally well, trusting that, and being equally clear about where someone else is better suited to lead.”
Other people’s opinions still matter to these leaders. They just no longer get the final word. And that turns out to be what made all the difference.
Disclaimer: All individuals featured in this article are members of Dreamers & Doers, a highly curated community and PR Hype Machine® amplifying extraordinary women entrepreneurs and leaders through authentic connections, credibility-boosting visibility, and opportunities that accelerate big dreams. (Learn more about membership here.)
