By: Heather Lisle
How many times have you walked out of a meeting thinking, “Was that eye roll directed at me?”
You replay it in your head countless different ways, overanalyze every glance, every sigh, every silence. And suddenly, you’re stewing over something that might not have even been about you in the first place.
Welcome to the world of silent signals and emotional storytelling.
Most teams miss the truth that they don’t just hear each other—they read each other. When we misread body language or tone through our own lens (especially under stress), we may take things personally, and communication can break down quickly.
This isn’t a “people problem”—it’s a business challenge. The costs of miscommunication can show up in broken trust, missed deadlines, and team members quietly disengaging.
How can you address this?
Let’s start with what’s not being said.
The Loud Truth About Nonverbal Cues
Research suggests that up to 93% of communication is nonverbal. That means a significant portion of what we “say” or signal comes through facial expressions, tone, gestures, and posture—not words.
It can become complex quickly because we interpret these cues based on our emotional state, past experiences, and communication style.
What may seem like someone “being rude” might just be a communication style in action.
It’s Not Personal… It’s a Style
The DISC profile is a helpful tool I use with leadership teams to decode how different people communicate, process information, and react under pressure.
Below is an overview of the four styles:
- D-Style (Dominant): These types are direct, fast-moving, and prefer to get to the point quickly. They may sometimes be perceived as aggressive when they’re just being efficient.
- I-Style (Influencer): These types are enthusiastic, expressive, and talkative. They might unintentionally overwhelm others with their energy or perceive silence as rejection.
- S-Style (Steady-Relator): These types are thoughtful, calm, and reserved. They may seem disengaged or closed off when they’re processing information.
- C-Style (Conscientious): These types are analytical, precise, and detail-oriented. Their silence may seem like judgment, but it’s often reflective thinking.
Imagine a D-style leader misinterpreting an S-style team member’s crossed arms as defiance when, in reality, that person is just uncomfortable and taking time to process.
Multiply this miscommunication across a team, and it can lead to conflict, misalignment, and frustration.
How to Read a Room in 30 Seconds (Without Jumping to Conclusions)
If we want healthier teams and more effective outcomes, we need to stop assuming and start observing.
Here’s what you need to consider:
- Read the Room Before Reacting
Pay attention to body language, tone, and energy. Don’t assign meaning immediately. Simply observe. Curiosity can prevent misinterpretation. - Know Your Style (And Theirs)
The more you understand your default communication style—and how others differ—the easier it becomes to adjust and avoid misunderstandings. - Use Clarifying Questions
Before jumping to conclusions, try asking a few questions:
“Hey, I noticed you seemed quiet in that meeting—anything you’d like to add?” or
“Can I clarify something I said earlier? I think my tone may have come across differently than I intended.” Simple, direct, and effective.
You’re Not a Mind Reader
And neither is anyone else on your team.
One of the common assumptions we make in leadership is that people “should just know what we mean.” But that assumption is based on our style, not theirs.
Misinterpreting someone’s nonverbal cues isn’t a minor hiccup—it can be the beginning of a communication breakdown that costs companies time, money, and trust.
This is why I wrote my book, Hold the Pineapple, Please—a straightforward guide to purposeful conversations that aim to build stronger teams and improve organizational outcomes.
Grab your copy today and start having conversations that move your team forward—this time for real.
Disclaimer: The information provided is for general informational purposes only and should not be construed as professional advice. Readers are encouraged to conduct their own research and consult with a professional before making any decisions based on the information in this article.
