By: Stealth Marketing Solutions

In an exclusive conversation, criminal defense lawyer Saul Bienenfeld shares his perspective on consent, communication, and protecting yourself in today’s complex dating landscape.

Dating has always been complicated, but in 2026, the stakes may feel higher than ever. Between shifting social norms, evolving legal standards, and the permanent record of digital communication, a single misunderstanding could have significant consequences.

I sat down with Saul Bienenfeld, a criminal defense attorney who has represented clients in cases involving allegations of sexual misconduct, to discuss how people can navigate intimacy safely, ethically, and legally. What emerged was a conversation about building genuine connection in an age of anxiety.

“Most People Don’t Actually Understand What Consent Means”

Bienenfeld doesn’t mince words when it comes to the confusion surrounding consent. “I see it often in my practice,” he told me, leaning forward in his office chair. “People sometimes think consent is this simple yes-or-no question you ask once, and then you’re good to go. That’s not how it works, legally or ethically.”

He explained that modern consent laws in many jurisdictions have shifted to what’s called “affirmative consent,” meaning you need a clear, enthusiastic “yes,” not just the absence of “no.”

But more importantly, consent is ongoing.

“You can consent to kissing and not consent to anything further. You can consent to something one night and not the next. You can change your mind halfway through,” Bienenfeld emphasized. “And if someone is too intoxicated to communicate clearly, legally, they cannot consent to sex.”

When I asked him what he wishes everyone knew about consent, his answer was immediate: “That silence isn’t agreement. That body language matters. That if your partner seems disconnected or uncomfortable, you need to stop and check in. These go beyond legal technicalities to basic human decency.”

The Conversation No One Wants to Have (But Everyone Should)

One of the most striking parts of our conversation was when Bienenfeld addressed the elephant in the room: talking explicitly about sex before it happens.

“I know it feels awkward,” he acknowledged with a slight smile. “People worry it kills the mood or makes them seem inexperienced. But you know what’s more awkward? A criminal investigation. A lawsuit. Or worse, realizing you hurt someone you cared about because you made assumptions.”

He recommends having clear conversations about boundaries and expectations before intimacy escalates. Simple questions like “Are you comfortable with this?” or “Do you want to keep going?” could help prevent serious misunderstandings.

“The irony is that the people who have these conversations usually report better sexual experiences,” Bienenfeld notes. “When both people feel safe and heard, intimacy often improves. It’s not transactional, it’s about actual connection.”

He also stresses the importance of paying attention during intimate encounters. “Check in regularly, especially when things escalate. Watch for non-verbal cues. If someone stops actively participating or seems uncomfortable, stop immediately. Your partner’s comfort should always be more important than your ego.”

The Alcohol Question

When I brought up alcohol and dating, Bienenfeld’s expression became more serious.

“This is where I see the most problems,” he says. “People often don’t understand that intoxication can invalidate consent. If someone is heavily intoxicated – slurring words, stumbling, unable to communicate clearly – they may not legally be able to consent to sex.”

He paused before adding, “And here’s what people may not want to hear: if you’re both drunk and something happens, the legal system will still ask whether consent was present. ‘We were both drunk’ isn’t a defense if the other person was incapacitated.”

His advice is straightforward: if you or your partner have been drinking significantly, it may be wise to wait until you’re both sober. “I know that’s not what people want to hear when they’re out at a bar,” he admits. “But it’s the reality of the law, and more importantly, it’s the ethical thing to do.”

Protecting Yourself From False Allegations

When I asked Bienenfeld about false allegations, especially among young men – a topic that generates intense anxiety – he took a measured approach.

“False allegations are statistically rare,” he began. “The vast majority of sexual assault allegations are truthful. But false allegations do happen, and when they do, they can have serious consequences.”

So what can someone do to protect themselves?

“First, understand that the same behavior that could protect you legally is the same behavior that makes you a better partner,” Bienenfeld explained. “Communicate clearly. Respect boundaries. Pay attention to your partner’s comfort. If you’re doing those things, you’re reducing your risk.”

He does recommend being thoughtful about documentation. “Save text messages that show mutual interest and enthusiasm. If you have concerns about a particular encounter, follow up with a message like, ‘I had a great time last night. I hope you felt comfortable with everything.’ But never pressure someone to create ‘proof’ of consent because that itself can be coercive.”

Bienenfeld was quick to add an important caveat: “Documentation has limits. Prior friendly messages don’t establish consent for sexual activity. Consent happens in the moment. And messages can’t contradict what someone actually experienced.”

If someone is falsely accused, his advice is unequivocal: “Do not contact the accuser. Do not try to get them to recant. Do not post about it on social media. Call a criminal defense attorney immediately, before you talk to anyone, including the police. Document everything you remember while it’s fresh, but do not delete any communications, as that could be seen as destroying evidence.”

Red Flags and High-Risk Situations

Bienenfeld outlined several situations that carry a higher risk of miscommunication or allegations: “Power imbalances are huge,” he said. “Supervisor and employee, professor and student, coach and athlete – these relationships carry inherent coercion, even if both parties think they’re consenting. Many workplaces and schools prohibit them for good reason.”

He also flags first-time encounters with people you don’t know well, situations involving alcohol or substances, and any time someone is giving mixed signals or seems hesitant.

“In any of those situations, the wise move is to slow down, communicate more explicitly, or just wait,” he advises. “Yes, you might miss an opportunity. But you’ll also avoid potential trauma – for both of you, and serious legal consequences.”

The Bigger Picture

As our conversation was coming to an end, I asked Bienenfeld what he hopes people take away from his advice.

“I don’t want dating to become this fearful, legalistic transaction,” he said thoughtfully. “That’s not healthy either. What I want is for people to understand that the principles of good consent are the same principles of good relationships: communication, respect, attention to your partner’s needs and boundaries.”

He leaned back in his chair. “If you’re treating your partners as whole people whose comfort and autonomy matter as much as your own, you’ll probably be fine both legally and ethically. And you’ll likely have better relationships too.”

It’s advice that feels both pragmatic and deeply human. In a world that often treats dating as either a legal minefield or a free-for-all, Bienenfeld offers a third path: genuine connection built on mutual respect.

“At the end of the day,” he concluded, “the best protection is being someone who genuinely cares about their partner’s experience. Everything else follows from that.”

Saul Bienenfeld is a criminal defense attorney specializing in cases involving sexual misconduct allegations. This interview has been edited and condensed for clarity. The information provided is for educational purposes only and does not constitute legal advice.

Disclaimer: The information provided in this article is for general informational purposes only and is not intended as legal advice. For advice specific to your situation, please consult with a qualified attorney.